No goodbyes
by LadyRandz
Summary: She never liked to say goodbye. She never toned down the drama    Rachel has to say goodbye to all her loved ones, but she can't forget all the good, the bad, and the nerdy.    A future-fic one-shot, the first time I've been able. Sorry for the ranting.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Um, I've had massive writer's block for almost a month or so, and I've got another story I've seemingly abandoned, but in truth I just got frustrated due to the turn of events _Glee_ has taken**. **I fully intend to finish it within the year. I'd love to say within the month, but I'm already killing myself on this schedule as it is, so no promises...**

**Disclaimer: **All things Glee are borrowed, and do not belong to me. If I had any control over the show, Mike Chang would not be with Tina, cos that pairing is just too easy.

UnBeta'd, so if there are any faux pas, they're all mine, and we can blame it on the S.A.D. (Yay, I knew it had to have one positive aspect!)

And reviews are like happy pills...only without any of the side effects...flames included, I'm a masochist ;D

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White...drowning...chaotic solitude...

_I'm sorry Daddy, I won't come home tonight..._

I am falling. How long, I don't know. I might stop soon, finally come down to earth, but I started falling so long ago, I'm no longer afraid of the impact. I've been falling for so long, I've grown weary...

Quinn. You needed to gain so much and lose everything just to come home. I'm sorry you had to hurt. I'm sorry you couldn't find your happily ever after with Noah, and I'm so sorry I had to take him away from you also. I never wanted to hurt you. I loved you like a sister. Always. Even when you tortured me. Cos you loved me too. I know you did. Please look after Noah and Nora for me. They will need someone, and I'd be honoured if you were there for them.

I'm sorry we both lost Finn, it was never easy for me, and although you were no longer together, I can't pretend it hurt you any less. It's never easy to see the man you loved pass on. To watch him get beaten to death for defending his loved ones? Impossible. Inhumane. It saddens me to think that that's what it took for us to discover our sisterhood, but I'd like to imagine that to his dying breathe, Finn was trying to give us something. And he gave me you.

Kurt, Mercedes, Tina. I had to put you three together not because you mean any less to me. Kurt, you were my sun. You held my hand as we defied gravity. Together. Tina, Mercedes, you were my co-divas, the first of our kind. We set the bar for greatness in Lima, together, because you girls were talent personified, and had to show it to the world. You three are the reason I let go of Broadway, and aimed for the world. Even when the world came down on me, you three taught me to climb on top, and shine. You were also like sisters to me. I love you to my dying breath. Carry the dream, my Nora will have to learn from you, cos she deserves only the best.

Matt, Artie, you guys are like my personal Everest. Not a challenge to climb, especially you Artie, but solid, rock hard faithful, loyal. No, we weren't so close that I can rant here, but you guys just never let me feel abandoned. I knew I had friends in you. No words can properly convey my gratitude.

Michael Chang, Santana Lopez, Brittany S. Peers. My very own dream team. You guys were my Starfleet. Trekkies had nothing on us. Whenever I see Avenue Q, I smile, remembering you guys. I can't put into words how much you three mean to me. Blood. No blood, no water. Love to the beyond.

Also, Santana, Nora is going to need to know how to lady that can stand up for herself. Please show her that you can be a woman and fighter, just by loving. And keep Brit and Mike from getting her too hyper on candy. I'm not sure Noah would say anything, but he can't really stand it without going crazy. And Brit, Mike? Nora needs your tutelage. That means you two as the world's best dancers, have to teach her how to step, pop-lock, and tango like the best of them. I believe in you.

Nora, my baby. Mama loves you more than life itself. It figures I got you when I was almost deprived of life too, both times! Baby, I want you to know, yes, I was raped, and yes, your father almost left me for dead, but your Daddy never left my side a day of your life. Don't look to blood and DNA to find out who you are. You're a Puckerman as far as the world is concerned. No man loves you as much as Noah ever did, and will. He's stubborn, callous, and aggravating, but then again, the best things in life are flawed. All your aunts and uncles, don't look for blood sweetie, cos we're bonded by soul. They'll always be there for you, so you always know where to turn.

I'm sorry your middle name is Drizzle, but you'll have to ask your Daddy about that one. Or Aunt Quinn. It's too funny for words. When you hear the name Finn, know that he was a noble man. He died the day I got you, and not to sound like a drama queen (Noah, Quinn, Santana...stop rolling your eyes), but he taught me to laugh through the tears. So that's what I'm leaving you with, baby. Laugh through the tears, cos even when you're hurting, you shouldn't be afraid to feel. And it's never wrong to feel happy if you deserve it.

Noah, my last love. I had to leave you for last. It's never the first one who gets to me that matters...it's the last one, the one who held me, that I carry in my heart.

I loved you forever. It always changed, but it never diminished. You were my Polaris. When I was lost, you found me. It's ironic, since I was the one you turned to for direction, but you were the one who was home. Beyond the pain, beyond the doubt, beyond the world. Noah, I turned to you.

You were my home through all the pain, the loss, of Finn, my dads, my future...

You showed me all I had to gain, opened my eyes to all the joy. Taught me that love wasn't just a four letter word, and hate was merely exhaustion of precious emotion. You were more than a lover, more than a husband, a soul-mate. You were a life rediscovered, and I'm happy beyond measure that you shared it with me.

Please tell Nora about me. Don't let her forget me. I don't know what happens to me next, but I'd like to think our daughter will grow up knowing Rachel Barbara Berry was her mother, and although I didn't achieve fame, at least I'm not forgotten. But don't mourn me forever. I'm not leaving a widower. She will want siblings. Being an only child is rather lonely, and being a single parent is worse. Lie goes on for the world, so don't try to hold still the sands of time. I know it's scary, but whoever said life was easy obviously hadn't lived.

I don't know if I should say goodbye, or see you when I do, or just apologize for all the melodramatics. Maybe this is goodbye. Who would imagine Rachel Berry got humble? This is surreal, even for me.

I love you, without knowing how or why or the whereupons and what abouts.

**Lima native, up and coming popstar, Rachel Puckerman-Berry was found this morning in an abandoned motel room just outside of Los Angeles. Mrs. Puckerman-Berry went missing 3 weeks ago, after being abducted outside of the recording studio where she was recording tracks for her latest album, _Life Rediscovered_. Police have found and apprehended a suspect, Ben-Israel, who allegedly, had been stalking her for months, until she filed a restraining order against him. Medical examiners are still trying to determine the cause of death, and have refused to issue an official statement regarding the circumstances of the star's demise. **

**The talented songstress, who rose to fame on the success of her debut album, _Finding Home, _which went double platinum internationally, and topping the billboard charts, is survived by her husband, and co-songwriter, Noah Puckerman-Berry, and their daughter, 2 year old Nora Drizzle Puckerman-Berry. A memorial will be held in her honour on Saturday, at 3 pm at the Lima Temple, where her remains will be laid to rest. Well wishers are encouraged to send donations to the New Directions foundation for underprivileged urban youth, in lieu of flowers.**


	2. Author's NotePlea COOKIES

Hello Lovely Readers!

I am sorry, it may appear that I am trolling, but I have undergone MASSIVE life changes in the past few months, which I shall blame for my lack of updates. I now have a very erratic connection, so I suppose in my free time I should be able to write my fingers off and upload and keep you happy, right?

But I shall be selfish :D

I make a plea for a dedicated, patient, AWESOME beta...but I have a few criteria that is vital to the position at the moment...said beta will be heavily rewarded in love, gratitude, first peeks at my work...and maybe, cookies.

Beta will not need to be a major fan of any of the fandoms I subscribe to, but need to have an open mind, and be accessible by either Facebook, MSN messenger, or BlackBerry Messenger. (Actually, the last two are the ones I can transfer files on, but I have regular access to FB)

Also, biggest reason I make this plea for Beta is because I am working on an original piece that I have high hopes for, but I need someone who has good taste to judge it so I know just how much hope I should invest in it.

I plan on uploading/updating once a week from now on, at least one of my stories, plus a one-shot occasionally, but I reiterate my beta plea. I needs a muse. Dust bunnies don't generate much in the ways of plots. KikiMunster will be much appreciative. Thank you, and goodnight. *takes a bow*


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